Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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