Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
