I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
