I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
