Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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