The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
