Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
