my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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