if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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