During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
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