oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
