so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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