We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
