Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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