Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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