If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize