Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Randomize
