Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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