My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
