She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i dont even know how to be here
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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