never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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