best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
