Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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