mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
time to smoke my breakfast
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
