someone threw a dead crab at me
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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