So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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