i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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