I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
