I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
