Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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