my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
