I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
