Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
