We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
