A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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