I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
