things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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