I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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