i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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