I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize