Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
