I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
