im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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