Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
