hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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