I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
