We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
