at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
