he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
im calling her cock vulture from now on
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
