Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
