we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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