he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
im on a boat
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