I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
