You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
