He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
