you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
