my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
