dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
