umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
