Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
