she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
im holly from the hills drunk
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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