its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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