Its about making memories worth repressing
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
