Got a toothbrush?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
