you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i now understand why vodka
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
