I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
