They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
